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Need Help?

When you’re caring for someone, even finding help can feel like another thing you have to do.

You may not know exactly what kind of support you need. You may only know that you’re tired, overwhelmed, or trying to figure out how to make today a little easier.

After more than 30 years as a caregiver, I know how much this role can ask of you. There are the things everyone sees, like appointments, medications, meals, and daily care. Then there are the things people may not see. The constant thinking ahead. The worry. The interrupted nights. The decisions. The plans that change. The quiet responsibility of knowing someone is depending on you.

You can love the person you care for deeply and still be tired.

You can be grateful and frustrated.

You can be strong and still need help.

You don’t have to figure everything out today. Start with what you need right now.

I Need Practical Help

Sometimes you need another set of hands.

Maybe you need someone to stay with the person you care for while you go to an appointment, run errands, see a friend, or simply have a few hours to yourself. Maybe you’re looking for help at home, transportation, meals, respite care, or services in your community.

I know how difficult it can be to step away when you’re used to being the person everyone depends on. Accepting help doesn’t mean you’re doing less for the person you care for.

You were never meant to do everything alone.

Where to Start

Help Near You

Some of the most useful help may be closer than you think.

Check with local hospitals, hospice and palliative care organizations, community centers, libraries, faith communities, senior and community programs, and organizations that serve families affected by your loved one’s particular illness or condition.

You don’t need to find everything today. Start with the help you need most.

I Need Someone Who Understands

Caregiving can be lonely, even when you’re rarely alone.

There are parts of this life that can be difficult to explain to someone who hasn’t lived them.

The worry.

The responsibility.

The exhaustion.

The love.

The frustration.

The uncertainty.

Sometimes all of those feelings can exist in the same day.

You may not need someone to tell you what to do. You may simply need someone who understands why this is hard.

Where to Start

Sometimes being with someone, even virtually, who can simply say, “I understand,” can make caregiving feel a little less lonely.

I Need Care for Myself

Caregivers become very good at noticing what everyone else needs.

We aren’t always as good at noticing what we need.

During my own years of caregiving, I learned that you can keep pushing for a very long time. There is always something else that needs to be done. Another appointment. Another phone call. Another meal. Another problem to solve.

Rest can begin to feel like something you’ll get to later.

But later has a way of never coming.

You are a caregiver, but you are also a person with needs, limits, feelings, hopes, and a life of your own.

Caring for yourself doesn’t have to mean creating an elaborate self-care routine.

Sometimes it looks very small.

A Different Way to Think About Rest

I also want to introduce you to Tricia Hersey, founder of The Nap Ministry.

Her work invites us to question a culture that often connects our worth to how much we accomplish and encourages us to recognize rest as something deeply valuable.

That message can be especially meaningful for caregivers.

When someone depends on you, rest can feel complicated. You may feel guilty stepping away. You may believe you should be doing something useful with every available minute.

But you don’t have to earn rest by reaching the point of exhaustion.

Rest may not come in the way you wish it could. It may come in small pieces. Those small moments still matter.

The Nap Ministry offers another way to think about our relationship with rest, productivity, and constant doing.

Where to Start

You may also find support through caregiver groups, counseling, community programs, spiritual communities, or simply one trusted person who gives you room to be something other than the caregiver for a while.

You don’t have to wait until you have nothing left to give before you make room for yourself.

A Gentle Reminder

There aren’t always easy answers.

Sometimes the help you need isn’t available when you need it. Sometimes you ask and people don’t understand. Sometimes there simply aren’t enough hours, enough hands, or enough energy.

I know how easy it is to disappear into the role of caregiver.

So I want to remind you of something I wish every caregiver heard more often:

You matter, too.

Your health matters.

Your feelings matter.

Your rest matters.

Your life matters.

You don’t have to do everything perfectly to be a good caregiver. Some days, getting through the day is enough.

Take what you need from these resources. Leave what you don’t need right now. Come back when you’re ready.

From one caregiver to another, I understand.

And I’m glad you’re here.